So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
