I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
