I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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