I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize