they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just found puke in my bra..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
