At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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