Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
