Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize