I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
