Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
