So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
