names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
