I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
