david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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