I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
