Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
