I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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