I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
