Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
