my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
