your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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