Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
