Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize