Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
