Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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