Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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