I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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