Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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