i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
