Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
