just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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