I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
