just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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