i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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