her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
