there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
