I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
