she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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