After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
