I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
