yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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