Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
