Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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