think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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