Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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