i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
