Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
