Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
