before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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