Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
