Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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