So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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