yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
