My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
