oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
