he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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