Got a toothbrush?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
