i just google imaged poop.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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