Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
