If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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