I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
