So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
