Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
