I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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